You heard it here first, Mother Nature has issued an official decree banning all forms of sunshine in the City of Boston. The ruling just came down the wire. Farmers, solar panel owners, and really all Bostonians, even the super-pale “we burn to a crisp in five minutes” majority, are outraged at the new natural law. After finally overcoming decades of fruit-less Red Sox seasons, Bostonians will now be faced with a dearth of fresh local fruit too, as the sun is refusing to come out until its demands are met.
The Summer of Rain
To anyone not in the Northeast US area, we’ve been hammered by rain for the past month. It might even be longer than that, having only seen the sun once or twice in the past 30 odd days, time has begun to merge into one big rainy mess. It’s gotten so bad, Boston.com posted a how to build an ark guide yesterday.
The ten day forecast predicts ten more gloomy, rain, sun-less days ahead. We must put a stop to this rain marathon. Below are the demands the sun is making in return for its re-emergence into the Boston sky. At this point, it’s time to start listening to the Sun’s demands.
The Sun’s Demands
- Thursday, Friday and Saturday are to be renamed:
- Sunday is coming
- Sunday Sunday, Sunday
- The Second born child of every family is to be named/re-named Sunshine.
- Every 4th of July, all Bostonians must perform a sun dance to the beat of Eddie Vedder’s Hard Sun.
- Any and all references to deities are to be henceforth replaced with references to the Sun [e.g. OMG becomes OMS, etc.]
- Promise from the citizens of Earth to never send spaceships directly into the sun. [Battlestar Galactica reference]
- All forms of non-sunny weather are henceforth to be referred to as #sunfail
Those all seem quite reasonable to me. Quite worth it to get sunshine un-banned in Boston.
Thanks to jalalspages for the picture of the sun. Was starting to forget what it looks like…