As if it really needed to be said but…

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!

The Boston Channel.com reports:

“Supposedly 3 students believe that they are vampires and today when a student was bitten the police were informed,” wrote one student in a message to TheBostonChannel.com. “I heard that one girl was arrested another suspended.”

End Edit.

The headmaster at the Boston Latin School recently sent out a notice to students and parents alerting them that there are no vampires at Boston Latin after a rumor spread through the school of vampires roaming the halls. The Boston Globe reports:

A school administrator wants to set the record straight: There are no vampires at Boston Latin.

The headmaster of the prestigious exam school took the unusual step today of sending a notice to faculty, students, and parents saying that “rumors involving ‘vampires’” had begun spreading through the building Wednesday, causing disruption and anxiety for a number of students.

Lynne Mooney Teta asked everyone’s help in calming the school community down.

I am a graduate of BLS, and honestly it sounds like the students are pulling a great prank on the administration. We’re known for pulling pranks on incoming underclassmen, like selling them passes to the fourth floor pool (which of course does not exist). I’m betting there’s a few very smart kids having a well deserved chuckle somewhere right now.

A few choice comments from the article:

“Complete denial… exactly what a vampire would say!” – elyse

“This story bites.” – joemac22

“Hmmm, BLS students are notorious for being up till all hours of the night, emailing and IM-ing each other in the wee hours of the morning . . . mere coincidence?” – Catrin Thorp

The best part though is how The Boston Globe ended this article:

The prestigious Boston public school was founded in 1635, and its students have included Ben Franklin, Sam Adams, John Hancock, Louis Farrakhan, Sumner Redstone, and Nat Hentoff.

They were all vampires!

Disclaimer, I am a BLS alum and the head Latin School vampire.

supporting Skynet by linking Facebook and Twitter.

Having earlier taken the “Could you survive a Zombie Invasion?” quiz, I knew we would be safe from zombies as I am apparently all that is man when it comes to destroying zombies. Skynet, however, worries me greatly. Thus, my comment in response to the Skynet connection was:

Lucky for us the zombies will come before Skynet. We’ve got a chance against zombies, Skynet will p0wn the heck out of us.

Oh no! It's already here!

To which his amazing comment was:

Vin Diesel + Zombies = Vin Diesel …. Vin Diesel + Skynet = Skynet …. I see what you are getting at….

Which brings us to the The Vin Diesel Formula for Whether You Should Proceed with Potentially Dangerous Technology, which is basically:

Vin Diesel + ___insert potentially dangerous technology____ = x

Where if x = Vin Diesel, you may proceed with the potentially dangerous technology (you hear that UMass BioMedical center directly across from the cemetery in Jamaica Plain? – keep doing what you do).

However, if x = potentially dangerous technology, immediately stop, halt, do not proceed further.

Thanks to @nmarsceill for the The Vin Diesel Formula for Whether You Should Proceed with Potentially Dangerous Technology. [Follow me on Twitter, so we can strategize during the zombie/Skynet/Cylon attack(s)].

Photo of Skynet by Ben Patio.

The A-Roid Cocktail: It Had To Happen and Here

The A-Roid Cocktail at Bonfire

The A-Roid cocktail is a shot of El Mejor tequila served with a syringe filled with a spicy, smoky tomato juice (hehe, juice, get it?) made from house smoked tomatoes, tomato juice, lemon juice, Tabasco sauce and jalapenos. Yes, it’s as delicious as it sounds and I’m here to bring you the world exclusive first review of Bonfire’s A-Roid cocktail!

Let me start off by thanking the excellent staff for making this cocktail for me, as they are NOT currently selling it (April 6 is its official debut). The staff went above and beyond the call of duty, not just by making the A-Roid cocktail but also in recommending a superb dinner (choice of four tacos for $12, the spicy tuna tartar taco is a must try) and all around doing everything possible to ensure we had a good time. Thank you for making my first trip to Bonfire a pure delight. You will see my face there again!

The A-Roid cocktail will make its official appearance on Red Sox opening day, April 6, 2009. However, as my former sales manager at Vector Marketing would put it, I used “the ol Pieniazek charm” to coerce gently persuade the staff to pour me a sneak preview, which basically boiled down to me shooting off my sad puppy dog eyes at the bartender. Nevertheless, you can’t argue with results and simply put you cannot pass up this drink if you’re a Red Sox fan. Heck, if you’re a fan of any baseball team, besides the New York Yankees, you owe it to yourself to try this drink.

Hmmm, cheap, delicious tacos

Technically, the drink I had was not quite the A-Roid cocktail as they do not yet have the El Mejor tequila in stock (so don’t ask until April 6!) but a substitute premium tequila was used and did not affect the presentation at all. Besides, the tequila is simply not the major attraction here. That’s right, an alcoholic beverage where the actual alcohol comes second. This cocktail is all about the experience and the souvenir syringe filled with juice. I know what you’re all really here to read about, and that’s the juice.

The smoky tomatoes and supplemental spicy ingredients complement the tequila perfectly. You can drink this cocktail anyway you wish, but I chose a traditional process, putting a pinch of salt on my tongue, shooting the tequila, sucking the lime, followed by injecting the delicious tomato juice into my mouth (careful not to get it in your eyes, it is hot and will burn). Normally, I’m not a huge fan of tequila, but the tomato juice so cleanly chased the tequila that I became a quick convert.

After downing the shot and injecting the juice, I felt on top of the world and ready to conquer all. Minutes later, I felt my iPhone vibrating and after a quick conversation, was offered a contract to play for the New York Yankees. Of course, as a lifelong, born and raised, Bostonian and Red Sox fan I succinctly declined, with the obligatory Yankees Suck, Let’s Go Red Sox thrown in for good measure. Sorry, I’d rather continue my career as a struggling writer than join the ranks of A-Rod and the rest of the evil empire. Besides, pinstripes make me look too skinny.

In the interest of avoiding a libel suit from the evil empire, let me note that the entire preceding paragraph was false (aside from the Yankees Suck and pinstripes bit).

I then proceeded to go outside and hit 500 foot dingers while a crowd gathered around me in awe.

For fans wishing to only drink Red Sox beverages, rather than anti-Yankees drinks, there’s also the Matsusake, which is TyKu junmai ginjo sake, shiso, cucumber & sour mix served with crushed ice. My buddy and I agreed, it was a very tasty drink. The cucumbers match the smooth rice wine well and if you’re not careful this concoction can get downed quickly.

The Bonfire's Matsusake

There will also be a Red Sox food menu, developed by Executive Chef Robert Bean, which will include: Francona’s Franks, Pedroia Sized Buffalo Chicken Bites, Truffled Papel-Corn, and Guinness “Big Frapi.” Sounds yummy!

My final verdict?

The A-Roid cocktail’s fine tequila, spicy tomato injection, and overall presentation deserve and get a 11/10, A++, a game ending grand slam. This type of alcoholic ingenuity is a big part of why I love the City of Boston. It’s literally the best theme drink, ever. Period. End of argument. Way to be Bonfire!

Put it on your calendar, April 6, 2009, opening day for the Boston Red Sox and the official launch of the A-Roid cocktail. Join me at Bonfire for A-Roid cocktails and hopefully a big Red Sox win. If you stop in, make sure you let Heather, the exceptionally creative bartender responsible for the genius A-Roid cocktail, know that Adam P referred you! Oh, and if you have a dog and would like to treat him or her, check out Heather’s The Collared Canine site to order a comfortable yet classy collar for your pup!

P.S. Make sure you sign up for Only The Internet’s Best Reviews’ post feed (or head to OTIBR.com to sign up for e-mail updates) for the latest reviews, including a comprehensive review of Bonfire’s drinks and food (coming soon).

Let’s end this review with a resounding:

Let’s go Red Sox! Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Let’s go Red Sox! Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Let’s go Red Sox! Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.

For more funny videos, check out the comedy section at We Demand Videos!

Attractive Girls Union Refuses To Enter Into Talks With Mike Greenman

HAHA!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Doooood, I got soooo drunk last night.

Having attended four colleges, it’s a statement I’ve heard many a time, and even uttered once or twice. With the positive feedback to last week’s Obama Zombies video from The Onion, here’s another gem from America’s Finest News Source.

Study: Nearly 80 Percent Of Roommates Got So Drunk Last Night

For more funny videos, check out the comedy section at We Demand Videos!

Now, please don’t get soooo drunk this weekend!

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

That video literally forced tears of laughter to roll down my cheeks.

The Onion was really on point this year and especially down the stretch. Comedic genius.

Check out some of their other hilarious stories:

• Black Guy Asks Nation for Change
• Nation Finally Shitty Enough To Make Social Progress
• Bush: ‘Can I Stop Being President Now?’
• Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job

It’s funny because it’s true.

Even better, check out her reaction to the video you just saw!

Aww, Misia, way to be the neighborhood’s favorite dog!

My vote will not go to the McCain-Obama Demopublicans Republocrats but at least Obama can speak and write well. The McCain essay whines about Obama and offers no new information or strategies. Here’s an idea, let’s “surge” Iraq with “our” entire population! Surely then violence would drop to record new lows!

Quick, everyone surge!